Article published in Central Coast Parent Magazine, June 2000.

Copyright © 2000. All Rights Reserved.
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It's probably the most oft repeated admonition we give our children, "Don't talk to strangers." We have said it so many times as we send our kids off to the bus or to the pizza parlor, but those words have come to have another meaning in today's world of cyber-space. The Internet, with its ability to open doors on the world, has also allowed a dangerous group of people access to our most precious children in a way that many or us are not aware of or have taken much notice to monitor.

It can happen in any town of any size to any child in any family. Talking to strangers may be exactly what your child is doing when he or she goes online. The person your children are chatting with may be a child there own age or could be a sexual predator who seeks out children via the Internet. There is no way to determine just who the person is whom your children are chatting with.

Who are these predators? The name given to them is pedophile. You have heard the term before and may have some idea what a pedophile is. They befriend children, gain their confidence and use pornography to lower the child's inhibitions.

A pedophile is a person who is sexually attracted to children. He (or she) follows through on this attraction by seducing and influencing children. Pedophiles are devious and understand a child's vulnerabilities and manipulate their victims into deceiving others to meet the predator's desire.

The Internet is a way for these people to connect with children in their own homes. For twenty-two years, as a Los Angeles Police Department detective, I investigated just these types of crimes and have heard from victims and offenders exactly what actions are taken in the process of the crime. Most often, the pedophile offers affection and attention--either in person or through the Internet--building a friendship with the child.

The popularity of the Internet has been a blessing for the pedophile. It is a simple matter to create a profile of a child and meet other children in children's chat rooms, rooms that are supposed to be safe. After meeting a child and establishing a friendship with common interests, likes and dislikes, the pedophile may suggest a personal meeting. He then tells the child that he is an adult and would be willing to pick the child up at a park or some place convenient, away from home. He would almost certainly tell the child to keep this meeting a secret from the parents. And the child would. He is not talking to a stranger anymore but to a friend. Someone who has promised a trip to the zoo, a new computer game or whatever the child has an interest in. This is not a one-time meeting. The pedophile wants to establish a long-term relationship. He wants the child to return time after time. As these meetings progress, the crime takes place and it becomes something the child feels responsible for and thus not willing to disclose.

Another way a pedophile meets children on line is to search for a child's profile. Usually, the child will describe himself, listing his age, area where he lives, and likes and dislikes. This makes it easy to befriend that child by agreeing to his likes and dislikes and discussing the problems the child might have; the pedophile is the child's friend.

One way that I have learned of this activity was by creating my own profile, that of a 12-year-old child. Without going into any chat rooms, I was contacted by people wanting to meet me and establish a physical relationship. Some were local residents, willing to travel a short distance for the meeting. Others were from other states or foreign countries, either willing to travel to Los Angeles to meet me or to pay my way to their city and allow me to stay at their homes.

These people also sent me both adult and child pornography. They made sure that I knew that the activity was a secret. If I were a child lacking affection at home, I would have become a victim of abuse. Or worse and the crime would generally go unreported.

What can parents do to protect their children? Education is the key. Be familiar with the problem and ways to prevent this exploitation. Talk to your child and make sure that he or she understands what is being discussed. Teach your child the dangers of the computer and steps to prevent being victimized.

Some simple things to tell your child are:
Never give out your name, address or telephone number to anyone online.
Stay out of adult chat rooms. Never fill out an online order form without the parent's knowledge and approval.
Never agree to meet a person that you met online.
Never send your photograph to someone that you met online.
Never give out your password to anybody.
If you feel uncomfortable about someone that you are chatting with, tell your parents.
Never complete a profile that identifies your name, age, address or school.
If someone asks to meet you or wants personal information, refuse to give it and tell your parents.

Should your child be approached online, what should you do?
Don't panic.
Get all the information from your child and notify the authorities.
Praise the child for reporting the approach. Don't blame the child for it.
Ensure that your child knows the rules about computer usage. This is a good time to reinforce these rules.

Government studies have suggested that one in four girls and one in seven boys will be sexually abused before their eighteenth birthday. Look at the children in your child's classroom and remember these statistics. Then consider this: the statistics are wrong.

As many boys will be sexually abused as girls and nobody will know how many because the abuser will not be that stranger molester. He will be someone the child knows, respects, is in a position of authority over the child or is a relative. Are you going to allow your child to become a statistic?